Distant

LDR

     The one that I loved, will slowly disappear in my life. But everything about her is still stuck in my mind. But everything about me will never exist in her life either,which I guess she will just dump all of the memories as a dumping rubbish into a dustbin. I still remember the day which we started to talk to each other on the 23rd of Aprill 2014. After a debate competition, your smile and your personality attracts me badly. The first sight I see's you, my heartbeat eventually beats 10x harder and faster. Which after the debate competition on that night I went on "Facebook" to add her and our conversation started there. We had beeen talking for months, and her exam is right in the corner, which she had to study and she left me hanging for months. I understand so I never really bother I waited. And waited, but she never came and look for me and starts a conversation. So I decided to wait until the day she got her result and starts to conversation going on, which I really did and she apologize to me which she left me hanging. I forgive her and I never blame on her. Everything starts to goes well day by day. Well on the 14th of April 2015 which is Friday, which is the day she is going to leave me and going for further study. I wrote a pretty long text for her to feel warm, we told each other not think about 'Distant'. Things starts to go worst and worst since the day she went for further study. I never stop her from doing anything she likes, well she likes 'shisha' pretty much but all I can do is telling her not to take it often its pretty bad for the health. She eventually went out hanging with her "boy-friends" every weekend which she would be home around 4.30A.M. or 5.00 A.M. deeep down I feel pretty insecure & worry. So all I did is acting I'm fine as long as she is happy i'll be happy and alright. So I never really tell her how I feel. I had been arguing few times with my friends, its because im trying to defends her image and fame as well. I dont want anyone of my friend thinks that she is bad or whatsoever. Well I lied to her saying that 'Oh my friend got jealous maybe?' But she didnt know the truth as I never mention about it infront of her. Hmm, I still remember it was on the 1st of May which I'll be having my rugby tournament. And I send her a goodnight text, she did not reply and she did not wish me a good luck. All she did is 'Seen' I woke around 4.30A.M. to look up if she did replied me or not, but she didn't. Well I got pretty mad and pissed early in the morning, at last she did wish me good luck and a goodmorning text around 8A.M. well I eventually broke my clavicle bone but I lied to her that im fine dont worry, its because I doesn't want her to get worried about me. Although on the weekday I never really bother or annoyed her, she told me she had alot of assignment to finish it. As i understands, but 1 thing I doesn't understand is she told me she is busy, but she could had the time to tweet. Well I try not to overthink but I just cant. 

      Few weeks ago, I stop finding for her and not coming up a conversation with her. But she came up and look for me and asking me ' why is our conversation getting odd? ' I eventually feel DAMN GUILTY! I as a guy should look up for her and not making her sad aren't I? But I was pretty moody that time so I told her I dont know maybe is part of the distance? I told her I need sometime & also space, well all she said is 'okay' with a 'Goodnight'. 

     Well I Had been struggling hard day by day. Which I had to move on and not talking to the one I like. I still miss our classy conversation very much. But the best choice is to let you go. You deserve better. She is way different from those girls that I knew among. I still remember how she used to be jealous when another girl try to attach me. I miss her everything. Her smile. Her hair. Her eye. Her lips. Im just too naive to trust on all of this bullshit. Things doesn't work that way that I expected. Well as month by month our conversation had been very "ODD" I dont know why, but I'm working harder to keep her in my heart. I tried hard I send her sweet text everyday, but she doesnt seems to bother about it. I dont know why. She once told me that she feel abit of 'distant' but I asked her not too. Cause my feelings towards her will never fade, as I love her damn much. LDR will never work on 1 side I SWEAR! It needs hardwork from both us. But if im the who gives out all my effort and she doesnt, whats the point? All my friends had been giving me advise, they asked me to give up and move on. Which still try to hold on and not giving up, its because I trust her. But in the end I really couldn't stand on the pain anymore, im weak either. So at last, I send her a text and confess up all my feelings how I feel this few months. Yet she said she will be fine and telling me that she understands. BUT I feel like A jerk man. I had to tell her the truth and makes her feels bad. A wise man once said  " Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things cannot be. "